Thinking through a troubled marriage PART 6

Are you communicating with each other?

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Ephesians 4 v 29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

God has made us creatures, who not only can communicate but need to do so. On this point men are usually the culprits but not always so. There is absolutely no chance of marital happiness without genuine, respectful communication.

 

Communicating in a marriage does not mean shouting, carping or arguing. You cannot explain to a child, a spouse, or a friend what they have done wrong in a way that will make them listen if you are shouting or screaming at them. The moment you raise your voice in anger or temper the other person stops listening and goes on the defensive instead.

Not only should you be communicating about the ordinary things of life, the ups and downs of being a family, but you should also communicate sanely and reasonably about your differences.

 

If you “lecture” somebody you are talking AT THEM they are not listening. If you address them cynically or condescendingly you are talking PAST THEM. But if you choose your moment and speak gently and reasonably you are TALKING WITH the other person.

 

Is it really so difficult for husbands and wives to make a decision to TALK? Men should get off their high horses and listen to the most precious possession God has given them – their wives and children. Husbands, you may be important in the workplace but at home your wives get to see you with your shirt off and you may not be that much of a hotshot.

Women, you really need to give your husbands a break. He does not operate on the same emotional plane that you do. He does indeed have responsibilities at work and his work is important to him as a man. Furthermore the workplace sometimes imposes great stresses, as it may well do for you if you are a career woman. He cannot put up with petty sulks or needless detailed discussions about everything. Love him, warm him up by kindness and thoughtfulness. Then maybe he’ll talk.

 

However, the most important thing is this: If you want this marriage, you have to communicate! There really is no choice in the matter. Of course the marriage can exist for years without communicating but it will be a hollow and empty thing bereft of all true relationship, tenderness and commitment. Once again this is not primarily a biblical argument but simply one of common sense. Communicating properly is a basic requisite for all relationships. Do you do it?

 

Prayer: Dear God, you sent your son our Lord Jesus Christ into the world to be our Saviour. He was the Logos, your word to us. Help me to find words to reach out to my loved ones. Amen

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