1. Proverbs 11:29
“He who brings trouble on his family will inherit only wind, and the fool will be servant to
When people approach me about marriage problems I invariably tell them that there are
three main underlying causes for all marital unhappiness.
First somebody is doing something wrong. Marriage is a partnership built on trust and the
surrender of one to the other. There is vulnerability in this relationship. If one of the partners
betrays that trust happiness goes out the window. “Something wrong” can have a wide range of meanings from sexual infidelity to
verbal assault, to simply apathy and emotional non-involvement.
If you don’t appreciate your spouse or if you insult and assault your partner; take no interest
in the kids, are stingy with money, or are unfaithful to your marriage vows – you are doing something wrong! And if you are doing
something wrong, there are always consequences. Your marriage will be unhappy.
Secondly, whatever unhappiness you are experiencing in your marriage will continue until the one that is doing something wrong
stops doing it! Of course, it is possible that both partners are doing wrong things, maybe in retaliation to each other. That is a futile way
to sort out your marriage.
This is, I know, natural to our fallen and imperfect natures to feel outraged, betrayed or angry when our partner, with whom we should
have the closest of human relationships, hurts us in some way. We automatically react. But the initial wrong deed cannot be undone
and all the subsequent reactions solve nothing. It must all stop.
Now if the guilty party refuses to stop the activity that started the unhappiness in the first place, then there really is no hope for the
future of the marriage. The remaining party may indeed be hurt and broken. But no discussion or negotiation will succeed unless the
offending party stops his or her offence. Christians call this repentance. Without it – there is no way forward.
There is a third point of much importance which will have to wait for tomorrow.
Prayer:- Almighty God, please help me to be realistic about what is happening in my marriage. Help me to face up to our faults and to stop doing what is wrong. Amen.