DO YOU WANT THIS MARRIAGE?
This is a very important question. There is no point in spending years trying to salvage a marriage that is not wanted. Often perpetual bad behaviour is one partner’s way of saying: “I don’t really want you anymore”. It may be difficult for the troublesome partner to actually say these words because life has become complicated by years of marriage, mortgage, debts and children. But if this partner is unfaithful or has lost interest they may try to make life unpleasant just to let the other know they want out.
So look at your relationship. What’s it like? Full of conflict, arguments, sullen silences, no physical contact, aloofness? Do arguments develop over petty things? Is the atmosphere in your home unhappy, insecure and confusing? Is there a constant barrage of insults, maybe physical assault and on-going conflict?
If so here is a question for you. Do you want it to be like this in five years’ time? How foolish to allow time that should be filled with family warmth, satisfaction and intimacy, to drift away as you all get older with the kids becoming more aware that what is happening in their house is a farce? They will soon figure out that there really is no family worth valuing in their home.
Thus the first question you should ask is: “DO I WANT THIS MARRIAGE:” If, in your heart, you are saying I want this marriage intact; I want my relationship healed – then there is some hope and you should read on. But if you think it has ceased to be of any consequence – well, there’s nothing more to say. I am not at this point raising religious arguments regarding your marriage partnership, rather I am asking the most fundamental question. Do you want your marriage to continue?
Prayer: Dear Lord. This is the partner and the family you have given me. Please work in our hearts to really love each other and to save what you have given us. Amen